BOOK REVIEW
"remind me to continue fixing myself.”
For a Rose that Blooms in Fire, is a reflection of a journey many unfortunately experience, documented through poetry by Isabel Rocio. She made the powerful statement at the beginning of the book, “I want to make sure every woman who has experienced sexual abuse, in any circumstance, understands that it is not her fault,” that in-turn will warm survivors hearts knowing there’s someone out there who believes them.
The book is a personal account, yet thought-provoking, to push one to emerge from their comfort. Starting with a preface, it’s very insightful on what’s to be expected preparing the reader for a journey through darkness, realisation, hopefulness, and healing. Although the collection of poems discuss an abusive relationship, with the many incredible metaphors pieced out nicely to almost find beauty in pain, it can be interrupted into any toxic situation.
There’s a moment of truth when Rocio writes about how emotional abuse is something taboo, especially since no one can see it like if it were physical abuse. The damaging effects of feeling like a victim to a life of bad luck, and losing oneself to someone else can be traumatising.
As each chapter deals with a specific moment in time, chapter one, titled Picking Roses (to the Past, Lovers) deals with devotion to fixing someone while being consumed to learn everything about them. It’s a suffocating read alike to experiencing it first-hand.
Chapter two, titled Dressing Weeds in Red Petals moves the story along with a good pace discussing doubts, gaslighting, questioning, warnings, and to be quick to please someone else. There’s a real sense of being in Rocio’s shoes reading this particular piece of the book.
Stumbling Through the Fog, is an excellent chapter title for the third section. Diving deeper into the story, there's a disassociating present. As Rocio writes, “I didn’t expect that making love would feel like my mind fighting a battle that my body couldn’t master,” it’s clear to see the abusive relationship took another turn for the worst as the abuser found a new way to abuse. Then being the one who never stays gone for her to almost forget the trauma, they return to remind her of all things bad.
There’s a poem where she describes how she’s dying and they don't see how she’s trying to keep him alive, and it stands out for the simple fact that she’s coaxing herself to leave them but struggling so she puts her efforts into pleasing them with isolated feelings. While she begins to question staying with someone who allows peace and a glimpse of safety when they’re blissfully unaware of her presence until they wake, it’s clear to feel she’s stuck in the fog stumbling around searching for ways to make things better.
Chapter four, titled Setting Fire to the Meadow calls out headlines for romanticising abuse. It’s a great addition to the book as it’s just not a particular thing to reference by, but many things overall to open the readers eyes. Talking about abuse from a victim's point of view, makes this book an encouraging read. As she feels stuck as the scars linger, there’s more in-depth content of addiction, deja-vu, forgetting, and wallowing present. She declared, “after I left you, I didn’t feel free,” as many would expect a victim to feel liberated after escaping something traumatic, but this is a real account of what survivors feel and go through as many cannot forcefully break the bond immediately and almost are addicted and molded into someone the abuser created.
It’s devastating to read Rocio write that she forgets what purity tastes like. Then fighting desperately against becoming the abuser, but it’s easier to lash out that coming to terms with her pain. She documented, “I find comfort in removing myself from myself,” while missing them feeling torn in two. There’s a moment with a sense of relief when she talked about self love, she wrote, “handing someone the tool to define me, means also handing them the weapon to destroy me.” Once she chose to take control rather than blame, there’s a realisation that anger is self-inflicted and she wanted better.
Sewing Seeds in Ashes (to a Reflection of Me) titled for chapter five has new perspectives, “losing you meant finding myself again.” There’s a lot of awakening happening as she questions if she loves herself enough to leave, realising the shame and empting herself is suffocating, promising herself that the pain will bring peace. It’s an important progression of the book.
Chapter six, Being both Seed and Sunlight reflects the title wonderfully. Discussing trusting one’s intuition is important to know when to release control of a love who is not meant to stay. To reconditioning, embracing herself, and taking control it’s a stand out piece of the book with positive hard-truths to herself. Since they left, she’s falling in love with herself. Then discussed the reason she forgave them, “anger is a weapon for the ego.” With many powerful lines and a taste of freedom, their absence makes her feel less alone as she’s in good company. She realised they’re just ‘another sad tale of a man, who tried to break a woman.’
Blooming from Within, chapter seven title, added a message as a reminder that we are never the cause of what happened to us. That attentive hands and the kindest words from a lover is not the cause of our healing, nor motive to break us.
The final chapter, Harvesting Dignity breathes a new life around the corner once one decides what they fear most. It’s empowering writing to see Rocio’s strength flourish. She’s letting things just be, while finishing the book with ‘a life not quite finished’, then going on to say, ‘the woman who dares to be reborn,’ summing up the entire poetry collection with an excellent manner.
For a Rose that Blooms in Fire, is an engaging story to read. Although some parts were hard to read, it was empowering to see Rocio’s storytelling progress than stay in one place. Drenched in bravery and consumed in hope, as each chapter told resonating stories, it’s a beautiful account of one survivor's story from meeting her abuser, experiences in-between, and the aftermath. This is an inspiring poetry book with couraging pieces from any aspect of the book dealing with abuse, confusion, love, and healing.
Isabel is a 22-year-old self-published poet who utilizes her online platform to empower others to take healing into their own hands. Her debut collection of poetry, For a Rose That Blooms in Fire, navigates the reality of abusive relationships, and paints a pathway to true liberation from such experiences. Through video as well as poetry, Isabel inspires others to do the work, and cultivate a healthy, deep relationship with self.
Words by Danielle Holian
INTERVIEW
Tell us a bit about your writing experience
It started off with folding up little pieces of paper and writing short stories in crayon, and since then I’ve written a few novels that I plan on re-working and sharing one day. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, a way to dive into other worlds, or a tool for expressing what I didn’t know how to say out loud. The only period of my life when I wasn’t writing was when I was in back to back unhealthy relationships as a teenager—in those spaces the only writing I was doing was for school work, and I was very out of touch with myself and who I was back then. Once I really found solace in being alone and getting to know myself and finding my confidence again, writing naturally found its way back into my life and I was able to write and publish my first book. Nowadays I find peace in daily journaling as a tool for inner work, a practice that has allowed me to write creatively with less pressure surrounding the outcome.
What, or who, inspired you to start writing?
As I mentioned before, I’ve always enjoyed writing. Whenever I get stuck in a block, I think back to my seventh grade English teacher; I had never paid more attention in school than in that class. She was really one of the first people to guide me to finding my voice and tapping into my confidence in my abilities, and I’ve always been grateful for her teachings. My inspiration these days when I’m in tune with my creativity changes on a daily basis. I like exploring the shadow aspects of individuals and finding ways to illustrate them truthfully, as well as highlight the beauty that exists in the light. When it comes to poetry, love is a main force behind my work. Love is something I think is the foundation for the human experience, yet so many people—myself included—only vaguely know what it means or how to open to it. I think it can be found in all corners of nature, conversation, and other art. I’m always learning something new through love, and I enjoy finding poetic ways to share those discoveries.
What influenced your debut poetry collection, ‘For a Rose That Blooms in Fire’?
An abusive relationship with a narcissist, as well as quite a few other unhealthy ones that I experienced when I was younger. Before I wrote the first piece for my book, I had spent a few years hardly writing, extremely depressed, anxious, and out of touch with myself. Once I moved away from the town where I’d gone through those relationships, I quite literally had all the space I needed to start healing. Almost involuntarily I began writing every day, reflecting on my past experiences. I say involuntarily because I had been under the impression that I was “healed” from my past, when really what I had been doing was bottling everything up. A lot of the pieces in the book were cathartic for me, a way to release and give space to those shadows, and a lot of them were created with the intention to guide others to doing the same. The book was initially written for my own healing, but I knew it needed to be shared so others who had or may currently be having a similar experience could find their way to wholeness.
Your work is empowering and discusses hard topics to talk about like abusive relationships, and healing from such experiences. Why was it important to be so candid in your writing?
One of the most common feelings and states of being that arises after experiencing any type of abuse is shame. Shame is something I felt for many years because, even though I was disconnected from myself, I felt like I was protected from the outside world and further harm. As I began to go to therapy and become more comfortable with sharing my experiences with a select few people, over the years I realized that so many of us experience varying levels of abuse and as a result, crippling shame surrounding self identity. Most people hide from their pain and trauma—understandably, as facing these aspects of self can be terrifying—and unknowingly create further shame as they hide from that which can only be healed by being acknowledged. It’s a vicious cycle, and very easy to get lost in. The candidness in my writing is a reflection of the way in which I was able to heal and cultivate happiness. I know that it feels safer to run from painful and ugly experiences like abuse, and I’ve noticed that a lot of the time in art, these topics are romanticized or painted to be much prettier than the actual reality of them, and that can be just as, if not more, harmful as not addressing them at all. My hope is that, through my writing, I can not only allow the individual to open themselves to loving the entirety of their being, trauma and all, but also poke a hole in the narrative society has built around abuse for so long—I want people to begin trusting in vulnerability and candid expressions of truth, as it’s the only way for us to collectively move from a state of fear and shame around something a majority of us have experienced. I want people to watch movies or read romance novels and understand that the chaotic love typically depicted in these mediums, is a damaging reflection of abuse and shouldn’t be idealized. I want people to trust in themselves more than the outside world, to define and cultivate actual healthy relationships, of all kinds.
What makes a piece of your writing right to post on Instagram, versus the ones that stay in the book?
I have more than a few pieces that will probably never see the light of day. It’s important for me to continue writing just for myself even though I’m now in the process of building a career from my work. As far as what I choose to share on Instagram, I often take excerpts from longer poems to make them a bit more suited to the platform—Instagram poetry I think is really just about being concise with wording in order to get a bigger message across in fewer words. Sometimes I’ll write a lot of short pieces with that outcome in mind. Regardless of how I feel like going about it in the moment, I try to reflect on what I think people may need to hear, based on observation and conversation and definitely based on what I myself am in the process of dealing with—no two individuals have identical experiences down to the details, but I know we can all relate on some universal level. So I try to keep in mind what the collective is most in need of, while also not overthinking whether everyone will relate. If just one person resonates and finds peace or comfort and understanding through my words, that’s all that matters.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers?
Be honest with yourself in your writing. Don’t be afraid to dive into your pain—I promise you won’t get stuck there longer than you need to be. Play around with different styles of writing until you find your voice, but don’t get so caught up in trying to emulate someone else’s, because ... then it’s no longer really your voice. Every artist’s job is to express what the rest of society is too afraid to, or to shed light on experiences and emotions others didn’t even realize they had buried within them until they came across your words. Learn to be vulnerable with yourself and your writing will always be “good enough”. All the technical skills are important, definitely, but the most important skill above all is your ability to be truthful. Also, don’t listen to anyone whose artistry is based off of the idea that artists “can’t” be successful. You’ll only be a starving artist if that’s what you believe is in store for you. Art in society will always be valuable, and just because someone has already told a similar story, doesn’t mean the way you tell your personal story isn’t needed in the world. It is. I think that understanding, and dedication, is really all you need to succeed.